Moving Forward

     I'm not sure why it has taken so long for me to write this post.  I have written about the painful parts of our adoption journey before.  Writing helps me process my feelings and gain perspective.  God has many, many times taken my blog posts and turned them into a mini devotional to encourage me to regain hope and faith.  But here I go, procrastinating again... 
     I'm not even really sure I'd be writing now, except that I signed up to participate in the Open Adoption Bloggers 2013 Interview Project and I feel like I've left out a chunk of our story.  It's not that I want to leave it out- I have learned through this process that ALL the parts of our journey are important, including the painful parts.  Someday we will have our happy ending and the whole story will become a beautiful testimony of God's faithfulness and grace to us in our journey to parenthood. 
     So here goes...

     Many of you already know some of the story- In August we were contacted by a young woman (who I will refer to as L) who said she was interested in placing her baby for adoption.  She had already visited our agency the day before and had found us while browsing on their site.  We seemed to hit it off and talked several times over the weekend.  She told us she lived in Indianapolis (which is only about 1 1/2 hours away from us) and that she was originally due in January, but that the doctor had recently moved her due date up to December.  On Monday, we called our agency and found out that she had indeed come in that past week and had picked up a packet of information on placing her baby for adoption.  
     From there, she and I continued to talk every few days by phone.  Our agency worked with her on starting the necessary paperwork and talked with her about her options and needs.  She was in a hard place, staying with friends and had a lot of crisis going on; yet she was faithful in staying in contact with me and in returning the necessary forms to the agency and keeping connected with them.   They talked with her about what financial assistance she would need and what the state of Indiana allowed.  Everything seemed to be going well and my conversations with L, although short, were easy and felt comfortable. 
     After a few weeks, we decided to meet.   On September 19, we drove to Indianapolis to pick L up and take her out to lunch.  We were nervous, but the conversation seemed to flow well and we sat at the restaurant for over two hours talking and getting to know each other.  Then L asked if we would take her to the agency so she could talk to her adoption counselor.  We drove her, went in and said hello and then went to a nearby mall so she could have some privacy and so we could also talk about how things had gone.  Having gone through a previous failed match, this meeting seemed like night and day compared to our experience the first time.  L seemed bright, asked us great questions, and really made us feel like she was interested in us and in staying in connected through open adoption.  She seemed to be taking care of herself and seemed to want the best for her baby. 
     We drove back to the agency and the adoption counselor called us into her office to let us know that L wanted to match with us.  She gave us the option of taking more time to think it over, but we had already talked and neither of us hesitated in saying yes!  We went out and the counselor let L know that we had said yes.  We were all excited and had our picture taken so we would have it to put in the baby's scrapbook.
     Afterwards, we took L grocery shopping and then dropped her off at her friend's house.  Jim and I were super excited!  We stopped at Target and bought a cute little teddy bear and then Jim took my picture in front of the restaurant we had eaten at earlier in the day.  All the way home, I made phone calls to family and close friends to share the good news.
     The following Monday (23rd), L called us and told us we were having a girl.  We were elated and although we knew that she could change her mind, it was becoming more and more real to us that we could be parents in just a few short months.  For about a week after that, things seemed to go really well.  I even pulled out my material and cut out squares to start a quilt for the baby.  We also announced our news to the rest of our friends and family via Facebook and email.

     But then things started to change.  L's calls became less frequent and would often be interrupted just minutes into our conversation.  Then after inviting me to come with her to a doctor's appointment (on October 8) she didn't answer my calls or texts, so not knowing where she lived (she had moved into her own apartment at this point), I was unable to go.  When she finally called me back two days later, she said she forgot.  We talked to our agency several times during this week, and they also had concerns.  She was not coming to scheduled appointments and not returning paperwork.  There were some financial concerns and some things that just weren't adding up.  On Friday they told us to be cautious in our interactions with L while they tried to get some answers. 
     The following Monday (October 14th), we got the call that ended the match.  Our agency had found out very disturbing news.  L was a fraud!  She had worked with an adoption attorney that summer and made an adoption plan with a couple.  After giving birth to a baby boy, she decided to parent.  This meant that either 1) she was not pregnant at all when she contacted us or 2) she was very early into a new pregnancy and was lying about her due date.  Whatever the case, basically she was using us to get financial help and the baby girl we were preparing for did not even exist. 
      That was a hard blow to take.  We've been in the adoption process for a while- we had prepared ourselves that she might change her mind.  We had prepared ourselves that money seemed to be at least one motivating factor in her decision to make an adoption plan.  Never did we even imagine that she wasn't even pregnant!  We were shocked, devastated and left wondering how to grieve for a baby that wasn't even real.  All I can say is that without God, I don't know how I would have made it through the day.  God knew what was happening even though we didn't and in a way He prepared me Sunday night during the worship and altar time at church.  The sermon that day was on finding rest and peace in God's presence and I clung to that promise all day (and in the following days to come).  I was sad.  I was angry.  I was confused.  I was broken.  But somehow even in the midst of all of my grief and unanswered questions, I felt God's comfort and I knew that He would bring us through this. 
     The first few days are still a little of a blur.  Somehow God gave us the strength to call family and friends and let them know that the match was over.  A few days later, we posted the news on Facebook and our email.  Words of comfort, love and support started pouring in from all over the country- I still say we have the best friends and family ever!  Family and friends let us do and say what we needed to- they were there, but didn't push.  They didn't try to answer the whys, they just loved us and that 's exactly what we needed.
     It's still hard.  I still think about the baby girl that we all thought was on the way.  But each day does get a little easier.  No one is immune to grief.  We live in a broken world and life doesn't always make sense. 
     So how do you keep moving forward?  The best answer I think I can give is one day and one step at a time.  Grief is a process- you can't rush it, but you also can't just stay stuck in one place.  It can seem overwhelming if you try to tackle it all at once, but it's manageable if you don't try to handle it alone.   God gives me the strength that I need for each day, and for now that is enough. 
    
   

A Tale of two Kitties

     Well, we are now officially a two cat family.  Just a few days ago Aria Hope came into our life quite suddenly and unexpectedly, but already she has us wrapped around her cute little paw.  I was thinking this morning how Aria and Melody's stories are so different.   And THAT got me thinking about adoption and a conversation I had recently with a friend about the differences between matching with a birthmom and last minute placements.  So here is the tale of our two precious kitties and my thoughts on how it relates to adoption.  What can I say...my mind is a little zany sometimes:) 
     Melody Joy came to us from our good friend Kathryn.  Her cat had a litter of kittens and she offered one to us.  We went to visit the mama cat and the kittens and picked Melody out because she liked to explore, was a little fiesty and seemed to bond with us.  After that, we worked out the details with Kathryn when she would come home with us.  While we were waiting, we prepared our home for our new arrival.  We bought kitten food, a litter box, kitten treats and a whole lot of cat toys.  We tried to kitten proof our home as much as possible.  We were excited and counted down the days until Melody would be home with us.  Finally the big day arrived and we brought Melody home.  Kathryn sent a blanket with her that she had rubbed on the mama cat and sibling kitties.  That way Melody would have a comforting scent to help her adjust to her new home.  Kathryn and her kids came over to visit Melody and lavish some love on her.  And now, even though we live across the country- they still check on her and I post pictures on facebook for them to see. 

Melody as a kitten

 

Melody, now one year old

      Melody's story makes me think of the matching process of adoption.  There is an intial contact with a birth mom.  You get to know each other for a while and if all goes well a connection is made.  A match meeting is set up and and the details of the adoption are talked about.  There is time to prepare and lots of anticipation surrounding the birth of the new baby.  There is ongoing contact before and after the birth.  There is a shared love and joy and a committment to each other.  The match is just the beginning of an ongoing and ever evolving relationship.

Our beautiful friend Kathryn and her family-Joey, Kara, Mathew, Quinten, Kiana and husband Colin

     Aria Hope came to us in an entirely different way.  Jim works as a Chaplain at a prison.  He was walking out to the car on Friday and heard a cat crying.  Walking down the hallway, was an officer carrying a very squirmy, very upset little kitten.  She had been found in the prison and the officers were trying to decide what to do with her (take her to the humane society or drown her in the river).  Jim didn't like either of the choices they were contemplating and offered to take her.  Ten minutes later he shows up at home with this tiny, adorable kitten and "poof" we are pet parents again.  Not a lot of time to decide whether we were ready, not a lot of information to go on, just an instant love for this squirmy little kitten who needed a home.  We took her to the vet to make sure she was healthy, made a trip to Walmart to get the essential supplies we needed, and called family members with a "Guess what?  We have a new kitten." 


Aria Hope already settling into her new home

     Aria's story reminds me of last minute hospital placements.  With a last minute placement there is not a lot of time to prepare.  You don't always have a lot of details.  And you have to make a quick decision.  One phone call and your world suddenly changes..."poof" you are parents!  There are last minute trips to walmart for diapers and other essentials and joy-filled calls to family and friends announcing the good news.  Hopefully, there is a meeting with the birthmom and connection can be formed that will lead to ongoing contact and relationship.  But that doesn't always happen and you have to be prepared to have some missing pieces in the information of your child's birth. 

Isn't she adorable

Proud pet parent for a second time
 

     Melody and Aria's stories are very different, but the ending is the same- we absolutely love both of our kitties!!!  It doesn't matter how they came to us, they are both members of our family and our love just grew to include two:) 
     I think it's the same with adoption...when we adopt, our child will have his or her own unique story.  We may have a lot of information and months to bond and anticipate or we may become parents suddenly and unexpectedly with very little information to go on.  But it really doesn't matter, because we already have a love that's been growing in our hearts for our little one.  Not a day goes by that we don't long to have our baby home in our arms. 

Beginning Again!

     Wednesday we officially went off of "hold."  Yipeeeeee!  It took a few months longer than we anticipated, but all the paperwork is finished, letter is done and new profile is up.  I would have posted earlier, but we were busy celebrating:) 
     We went out for dinner at Texas Roadhouse and bought a Curious George book and stuffed animal for the nursery (not that our nursery needs another stuffed animal, lol, but we couldn't help ourselves).  We have also had fun sharing the good news with family and friends.  We are just so excited!!!  We are expecting through adoption...we just don't know when our baby will arrive.  Our desire to have our baby home is so strong, sometimes it feels like we could burst.  It's great to have that anticipation and excitement back.    
     It feels good...it feels new, like a fresh start.  I am happy to feel hopeful again.  It's nice to be able to begin again with new energy, renewed hope and fresh excitement. It reminds me of the verse in the Bible that talks about God's mercies being new every morning.  It is so easy to get weary with the waiting and to be dragged down by life's circumstances...  But we don't have to stay there.  We can have a fresh start!!!  
    Now we wait for that all important phone call, or email:) 

    
    
     For those who would like to check our our new letter and profile, you can go to www.iheartadoption.org/users/thomas1. All of our contact info is there as well as a link to our letter.  Feel free to share any of our links and/or contact information on your facebook page, email accounts, doctor's office-anywhere you'd like.  It helps us get the word out that we are adopting.  So many matches are made through a friend of a friend of a friend so we appreciate your sharing. 

Almost There!

     We are almost there!  Back in February we had to go on "hold" with our adoption agency during our move from California to Indiana.  We settled in, got boxes upacked and then started on the process of updating our homestudy and getting ready to go back "in the books." 
     Well as of today, our homestudy is complete and approved.  Our Dear Birth Mother Letter is updated and has a fresh new look thanks to Billie Bush Photography and Joanna at Our Chosen Child.  And our iheartadoption profile is finished and ready to go live. 
     We are now just wanting for our iheartprofile to be approved and our letters to arrive to the IAC-which should hopefully happen any day now!  Then we will officially be off of hold. 
     Yipee!!!!  Just had to take a moment to celebrate:)  We are ready...ready to begin again with renewed hope and a fresh outlook.  Thanks for your love, support and most of all your prayers as we embark on this next leg of our journey to adopt.   We will keep you posted...

A Quick Update

Thanks so much for your patience...I am behind on my updates again.  Life has been very busy since moving to Indiana three months ago.  Here is a quick update of what's been happening. 

Home:  We are happy homeowners!  Back in March we purchased our first home (besides a shared duplex during seminary) and we love it:)  It is a huge four bedroom house (Jim would say six) with a pool, volleyball court and my dream kitchen.  After years of moving around and living in apartments we feel totally spoiled.  We completely expected to buy a fixer upper, but God blessed us with our dream house on our bargain budget.  We can't wait to see what doors He will open to let us use this home to glorify Him and bless others.
     We haven't done much to the inside of the house (We even loved the paint colors already there!), but we have done extensive work on the outside.  Jim has totally transformed the front yard by putting in a drainage ditch, regrading the soil around the house, replacing all of the mulch with rock and leveling and replacing the path to our front gate.  He had a lot of help from my Dad and a little from me as well:)  It's looking great!  We also dug up and put in a garden in our backyard- I'm so looking forward to some fresh veggies this summer!

Church:  We have found an awesome church to be a part of!  It's amazing how quickly we felt at home and how much we look forward to Sundays.  The presence of God is evident and there is an excitement and energy that I haven't felt in quite a while.  We love it!  Jim and I have started helping out in the cafe Sunday evenings and I am getting involved with the greeter ministry and the worship team.

Job:  Jim is enjoying his new Chaplain placement at the prison.  He works with a great team and is really excited about the new opportunities.  Some recent projects have been going out to a lake property to cut willows for the Native Americans to build a new sweat lodge (My hubby is not your average chaplain!) and kicking off a Faith within Films- Fantasy Films class at the camp.
      I am still loving being at home- preparing for parenthood, welcoming friends and family, and working on our Indiana adoption update.   I also recently got involved with a mentoring program called Kids Hope USA- and was able to spend some quality time with a third grade boy who needed some encouragement and confidence.  He was really into learning about greek mythology so we created our own board game for him to take home and play over the summer.

Friends and Family:  We have company!  What a difference location makes.   Already in the few short months we have lived in Indiana we have had visits from our good friends Jeff and Lynda, my sister Christy and family, Jim's sisters and nieces, and my parents.  My brother is coming this weekend with our niece and nephew and more visits are in the works.  It has been so good to reconnect face to face with family and friends that we love and missed so much while in California.  Now we just need our California friends to come visit us here, hehe:) 

Adoption:    We are ALMOST finished with our homestudy update!  We had our home visit with Kathy last week which went very well.  All of our paperwork is in, except the doctor's letters, which are being worked on this week.  And I just spoke with Joanna from Our Chosen Child this morning who is going to help give a fresh look to our Dear Birthmother Letter.  Excited things are in the works and we will be back "in the books" soon!  Those of you who know us, know that we have been waiting for a long time to become parents.  It has been a hard, hard road at times, but somehow things feel different.  We both have a renewed excitement and hope that our baby will be in our arms soon! 

Well, I hope this gives you a little bit of an update on us and an explanation of why my blogging has been a bit sporadic.  Thank you so much to all of you who continue to follow our journey, encourage us, pray for us and love us!!!!  We sooooooo appreciate you:) 

A Hopeful Adoptive Mother's Prayer

     April is National Poetry Month and our agency is having a poetry contest.  I decided to expand a poem I wrote a while ago.  Let me know what you think:) 

A Hopeful Adoptive Mother’s Prayer

 

Wet sloppy kisses and rocking to sleep

Beautiful, tiny hands and perfect little feet

The sound of baby sighs and cries

This is what I long for

 

Busy hands and pattering feet

Messy fun and learning new feats

The joy of Toddler discoveries

This is what I hope for

 

Bedtime stories and riding a bike

Off to school and oh so bright

The wonder of how fast they grow

This is what I wish for

 

Two hearts united in joy and pain

One Mother’s loss, another’s gain

The mystery of adoption love

This is what I cry for

 

Welcoming arms and open hearts

A family formed, no longer apart

The Journey of Parenthood beginning

This is what I ache for

 

Whispered prayers and silent tears

Our “Happily Ever After” finally here

The miracle of motherhood

This is what I pray for

 

A room full of hope...

waiting for...

a prayer to be answered.

 

Happy Easter!

     We had a great Easter in our new home!  Our friends Jeff and Lynda came to visit us.  Here are some of my favorite pics from the weekend.  Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!

Enjoying the warmer Spring weather

Our Easter centerpiece

Our friends Jeff and Lynda waiting for me to stop taking pictures so we could eat, lol:)

Jim and I with Melody.  We love our new home!

Ready to make lots of wonderful memories here!

Our friends Jeff and Lynda

Daffodils blooming in our backyard

Melody catching some rays

Signs that Spring is finally here!