Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt: Strength for Today, Hope for Tomorrow

Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt: Strength for Today, Hope for Tomorrow: I am a little embarrassed when I look back and see that my last blog post was almost a month ago. I could make an excuse and say...

Strength for Today, Hope for Tomorrow

    
     I am a little embarrassed when I look back and see that my last blog post was almost a month ago.  I could make an excuse and say I've been busy (which is partially true), but in reality I was just not in the mood to write.  All writers experience writer's block at some point or another, and I think in life we can also experience blocks.  Maybe it's depression.  Maybe it's fear.  Maybe it's just fatigue from our journey.  Whatever the case, we all have our days and/or weeks that are more difficult to get through.
     A few weeks ago, I experienced one of those times.  I was feeling pretty down about our long wait to adopt a baby.  I was trying hard to stay postive and hopeful, but just wasn't feeling it.  I sent up a simple prayer that God would send me a sign that He still cared and that our prayers for a baby would be answered.  By the next morning, He had sent me six!  They were little things that may not have meant much to someone else, but they definitely spoke loud and clear to me.  Before I forget them, I thought I would write them down and share them with you.  Hopefully they will encourage you (and remind me) to keep on hoping and believing. 
     The first sign I received was a phone call from our Pastor's wife.  She called to update me on a young woman who had stayed with them a while back.  She is pregnant and at the time was considering adoption.  Since then she has moved to another state and is staying with family.  We have no idea if she is still considering adoption or would be interested in us (although that would be wonderful), but that was not why it encouraged me.  It was encouraging because it reminded me what great friends and family we have.  So many are laboring with us through this journey.  They (YOU) pray for us, pass along our letters, share our links on facebook and lift us up when we are down.  
     I saw the second sign while shopping at Kohl's.  They have a fundraiser going on for a children's charity.  One of the books they had on display caught my attention because it is one of my favorites, On the Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman.  When I saw the book, I felt a whisper in my heart say hang on, you will get to write your baby's story.  I love to write and have often shared with Jim my desire to write a story about our baby's birth and adoption and all the love surrounding it.  Of course we bought the book and a cute plush polar bear to go with it.   
     After Kohl's we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse.  We were seated in the booth next to my third sign, a cute, adorable and very active baby.  All through dinner, he kept turning around and smiling at me.  I would smile back or play peek-a-boo and he would gurgle and smile some more.  He also kept trying to hand me the lid to his baby food and later his cheerios.  I think his dad was worried that he was bothering us, but each smile seemed to make my heart a little lighter.   Before we left, two more babies were seated across from us and I could only shake my head and think, "Ok God, I get the message."  But He wasn't done yet.
     The next morning I was on the computer and received two signs.  First, when I was on facebook, I saw that the IAC (our agency) had published one of my blogs, Living in a Glass House:  Being Open in Our Open Adoption Journey.  In the blog I talk about how being open is sometimes hard because it means we have to be vulnerable.  We are inviting people to join us in our journey, not know how long the path is.  It's scary, but it will be worth it in the end when we get to celebrate with all of our friends and family.  As I re-read the blog I had written months before, it encouraged me to keep believing and to not give up hope. Second, I read an email from my friend Cindy that she and her kids had prayed for us that morning.  This was yet another reminder that we are not on this journey alone.  Our families live out of state.  Brian and Cindy and their kids have truly become our family here in California.  We always know that their door and hearts are open to us.  I am overwhelmed with thankfulness when I think of them and others God has placed in our lives. 
     Later that afternoon, I received the final sign.  It was a thank you card from our friends Patrick and Aubrey.  They recently had their fourth baby and I had sent them a quilt I made for their new baby boy.  God has used these friends over and over to encourage both Jim and I during our adoption journey.  It's funny because whenever I start feeling the "baby" blues, a card or email from Aubrey almost always arrives within a few days with just the words I need to hear.  She lives across the country, but her words are like a big hug for my soul. 
     Six signs.  God could have sent one.  He didn't have to send any.  But His love and faithfulness never cease to amaze me.  It reminds me of one of my favorite hymns, "Great Is Thy Faithfulness."  There is a line that says, "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow."  This is a day by day, sometimes minute by minute, journey.  Sometimes I forget that.  I get tired and worry that I won't have the faith and strength to finish the journey.  But I don't have to have strength for tomorrow, I only need strength for today.   God has promised that He will give me that strength when I ask Him.  Not only that, but He gives me hope for a bright future as well. 

Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt: Living in a Glass House-Being Open in our Open Ado...

Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt: Living in a Glass House-Being Open in our Open Ado...: Adoption is a journey of transparency. You have to commit to openness, not just to the future birth family you will connect with, but ...

Run the Race

These days, I've traded running for hiking, but I still enjoy being outdoors

   

    I was a runner in high school.  I was not the fastest or strongest, but I did enjoy the satisfaction of finishing the race.  My cross country coach, Coach T, was great.  He encouraged me to do my personal best and gave me some great tips that have been helpful not only in racing, but also in our adoption journey.
    The first tip from Coach T was to prepare.   In cross country this involved stretching and coming to the race with a good attitude.  Muscles needed to be warmed up for the grueling work that lay ahead.  A positive attitude kept the mind focused so that I could "push through the pain."  In adoption, preparation is also important.  My husband and I spent months researching adoption and deciding what path was right for us.  We talked about our expectations, made a plan for our finances, and gathered our friends and family for emotional and prayer support.  
     The second tip from Coach T was to pace yourself.  Cross-country involved a 3.25 mile run.  In track I ran the one mile and two mile.  Sprinting would not have been a smart option.  Very quickly, I would have been out of breath and unable to draw upon the resources needed to finish the race.  Adoption is not a sprint either.  For most of us, our adoption journey involves a long distance run.  Some of us are one milers, some two milers, for some it may even seem like a marathon.  The longer the journey, the more important pacing is.  We could easily be consumed by all the work involved in adoption:  the homestudy, the birthmother letter, and networking.  We could use up all of our resources and be left unable to finish our race.  Pacing ourselves, through setting small manageable goals and taking breaks, is the best way to ensure success. 
     The third tip from Coach T was to press in.  In cross-country the course is varied.  There are flat runs, twists and turns, uneven ground and even obstacles such as huge hills to overcome.  Coach T taught us that the most important time to press in was when there was an obstacle.  Most runners lose steam going up a hill, so he taught us to take that opportunity to push harder and pass up our opponent.  There is something very empowering about tackling a hill at 100 percent.  In adoption, there will inevitably be obstacles along the way-failed matches, long waits, delayed paperwork.  That is the perfect time to press in even harder.  Facing these obstacles head-on will help us to grow stronger.  This is the time to draw upon the resources of your faith, friends, and family. 
     The final tip from Coach T was to persist.  Finishing the race is what really matters.  As I said before, I was not the fastest or strongest runner, but I was still an important part of the team.  Whether I finished first or last, it didn't matter as long as I did my personal best.  The adoption journey takes a lot of patience and persistance.  There are days when it would be easy to give up, but then we would miss out on the prize of parenthood.  It doesn't matter whether we are first or last as long as we keep running and finish the race!

Hebrews 12:1  "Let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us."      

Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt: Beauty Will Rise

Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt: Beauty Will Rise: "This is an old picture, but it reminds me of how forests grow back with such beauty after a fire
The last few weeks have be..."

Beauty Will Rise

This is an old picture, but it reminds me of how forests grow back with such beauty after a fire

    
     The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster.  We have experienced great joy and great sorrow, peace and confusion, faith and doubt.  This hasn't been an easy season, but it has been a time of growth.  I thought I'd take a few minutes to share a little bit of what has comforted and encouraged me, in the hopes that it might encourage you as well. 
     As most of you know, we recently matched (and unmatched) with a birthmother for our adoption.  We were so excited to match!  It really was a time of rejoicing and expectation.  We were so happy to be able to call up family and friends and share our great news (so many had "labored" with us for years, offering up prayers and sending words of encouragement our way).  We talked to the birthmom almost every day and things seemed really solid.  Even though we knew that nothing was a guarantee, we began to make plans for bringing our baby home.  We talked about baby registries, joked about preparing for sleepless nights, and basically allowed love to blossom for this little one we had never met.  We traveled to have our match meeting and the first day of meeting the birthmom went relatively well.  We spent the whole day together...talking, dreaming, and making plans for the baby and her.  She even invited me to feel the baby kick and as the tiny foot thumped against the palm of my hand I thought, "Wow, this is really happening!"  We went to bed that night, so happy, so thankful, so at peace.
     But what a difference a day makes.  Without going into details, things began to deteriorate with our birthmother the second day.  Instead of spending the day with her, we sent text messages back and forth...beginning to suspect that something was wrong, but unsure of what to do.  When we did spend time with her that day, it was a very different experience from the day before.  It felt like our world was crashing down around us and there was nothing we could do about it.  We tried to hold on, we kept hoping for things to turn back around, but in the end (and after many tears and prayers) we had to let go.  This was not our match...we were crushed, confused, and left wondering how things could go so wrong, so fast.
     As the days went on, it was confirmed over and over again that we made the right decision to unmatch.  In reality, the birthmother had likely already walked away from us- but we were still left with so many questions.  What had gone wrong?  Why didn't we see the red flags earlier?  What would happen to this baby that we were already beginning to love?  Why were we allowed to come so close to having a baby, only to have our dream crushed once again?  Why did God allow this to happen?  How much longer would we have to wait?
     We still don't have any real answers to our questions, but faith and trust and peace are slowly returning.  We do know that God cares and has given us awesome friends and family to encourage us and hold us up in prayer.  Thank you!  You don't know how much it helped to hear from so many of you that you were praying for us and believing with us.
     One one particularly hard day, I put in a cd by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Beauty Will Rise."   The songs on this cd were written after he and his wife lost their little girl to a terrible accident.  The words come from a place of grief and pain that I can't even imagine...yet the songs also speak of hope.  Much like the Psalms of David, his faith is renewed and restored through raw honesty with God.  I found myself encouraged through lyrics like:

     "When I cannot have the answer/ that I'm wanting to demand/ I'll remember you are God/ And everything is in your hands..."
    
     "Even then I will say again/ God I trust you, I will trust you/ Even when I don't understand...I know your heart is good/ your love is strong/ your plans for me are better than my own..."
    
     "God is it true that you are thinking of me at this moment?/ God is it true that you hear every prayer that I pray?/ God is it true every time my heart beats you know it?/ Well if it's all true then that must be you I hear saying 'trust me'." 
   
     But one song really captures the prayer of my heart right now.  It is called "Beauty Will Rise."  It is based on Isaiah 61:3.  "To all who mourn, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair..."  The song talks about how "Out of the ashes, beauty will rise." 

     "Out of these ashes/ Beauty will rise/ And we will dance among the ruins/ We will see it with our own eyes/  Out of these ashes/ Beauty will rise/ For we know joy is coming in the morning/ In the morning/ Beauty will rise"

     Ashes are not beautiful.  They are grey, lifeless, and an ugly reminder of destroyed dreams and hopes.  Yet, God says that out of these very ashes, He will bring beauty...He will bring hope...He will bring Life.  What a comforting thought.  We don't know why we had to go through this.  We definitely don't like the pain.  But if we allow Him to, God can and will cause beauty to rise in our hearts and lives.
     More than ever, we truly believe that there is a baby for us...we continue to pray, to hope, and to trust.          
      

Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt: Bumps in the Road

Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt: Bumps in the Road: " Vacations rarely go as planned. There are usually little bumps, sometimes boulders, in the road that attempt to derail the fun and rel..."