The Weekend Intensive

     Recently I joined Open Adoption Bloggers.  It is a group of online bloggers from all walks of the open adoption process- adoptive parents, birthparents, waiting families etc.  From time to time they have a online roundtable discussion and this month's topic is "first meetings".  I've enjoyed taking a little time this afternoon to scroll through the other blog posts- most have been touching stories of the first moment the adoptive parents saw their new baby.  Sweet, precious stories, and yes I'll admit it, a few brought tears to my eyes (especially the couple who picked up their new baby girl at Starbucks!





Our adoption agency, Independent Adoption Center- Pleasant Hill

      Since we are in the waiting process and still anxiously looking forward to that first meeting, I thought I'd take a totally different approach and talk about our first meeting with our agency- The Weekend Intensive.  Technically we "met" our agency for the first time at an informational meeting a few months earlier, but this is the meeting that truly began our relationship with the IAC.  The Weekend Intensive is definitely appropriately named.  It is a weekend to jumpstart the homestudy process that includes interviews, a class on adoptive parenting, lots of information and lots and lots of paperwork.  It's hard to truly compare the experience to other first meetings, but there are aspects of a first date, job interview, and summer crash college course. 



Jim in front of the IAC

      First Date:  We were so nervous!  I don't think either of us got much sleep the night before.  Jim usually doesn't get nervous so the fact that he was nervous made me even more nervous.  I labored over what we should wear- something not too dressy and not too casual.   Checked and double-checked my hair and make-up and tried to eat some breakfast.  That didn't go over too well.  It just added rocks to the butterflies flying around in my stomach.  We arrived really early, so we sat in the car holding each other's clammy hands and took a moment to breathe and pray.  Finally, when we thought we were in the "appropriately early" range, we went in and were taken back to a conference room to wait.  Of course we were the first couple there!  At first the wait was excrutiating, but slowly other couples and singles began to come in (looking just as nervous as we were) and we finally relaxed- a little.



Amy by the pond in the courtyard during one of the breaks

      Crash Course:  My husband used to take something called J-terms when he was in Seminary.  It was a course taught during one of the breaks (January, June, or July).  Basically, the idea was that a whole semester course would be jammed into three weeks.  The Weekend Intensive is the J-term of the adoption process.  At the beginning of the weekend we received a two inch binder filled with information on all sorts of topics:  how to write a birthmother letter, requirements for photos and website design, ideas for networking, guidelines for the homestudy visit, various articles on the adoption process and raising adoptive children, how to pay for your adoption etc.  Some may have felt intimidated by the binder, we actually took comfort from it.  We knew there was no way we would be able to remember everything we learned over the weekend, so having a reference to take home with us was invaluable.  And although our brains felt fried by the end of the two days, it was extremely helpful to have an overview of the entire adoption process so we knew where we were going.



Jim by the same pond

      Job Interview:  Part of our weekend was spent completing the necessary interviews for our homestudy process.  First, Jim and I met with our adoption coordinator, Kerrin to sign our contract and complete our profile.  Then we were interviewed together and separately by our social worker, Devon.  Both women were very warm and friendly, but we still had interview jitters.  We had already done the "hard" work of writing our autobiographies and filling out our questionares.  This definitely helped to prepare us for the interview questions, but the butterflies returned anyways (thankfully this time without the rocks).  We answered all sorts of questions about our childhood, our philosophy toward parenting, our educational and family backgrounds, our marriage and why we wanted to be parents.  Most of the information was already in the application and paperwork we had turned in, so I think part of the interview process was for our benefit- to help us begin thinking about how adoption would change our lives. 



Amy in front of the IAC

      Remembering back to that weekend, I think that over the course of the two days our nervousness subsided while our excitement began to build.  The first thing I did when we got into the car was call my parents, and then my sister and brother, and then Jim's family.  It was the weekend that the adoption process went from an idea to a reality.  We were on a journey (and still are) to becoming parents!  So while we wait for the first meeting with our baby, we look back to the first meeting with our agency where it all began. 



Our celebration dinner at Half Moon Bay

     

   

Living in a Glass House-Being Open in our Open Adoption Journey!

     Adoption is a journey of transparency.  You have to commit to openness, not just to the future birth family you will connect with, but really to the world at large.  It feels scary and risky at times.  There are days when I feel like we are living in a glass house or are the stars of our own reality show.  But the best things in life are worth taking risks and opening yourself up for.  So here we are...on the road to parenthood through OPEN adoption.
     The open in our open adoption journey began with the homestudy.  I like to describe it as an application process on steroids.  There were forms to fill out on work history, educational history, family history, and financial history.  We were each required to write a mini autobiography, plus mini essays on a myriad of topics such as our desire to adopt, infertility, and parenting values.  Next came visits to the doctor's office for a complete physical and to the jail to be fingerprinted.  After that were interviews, together and separately, and finally a visit to our home (for the home inspection part of the homestudy).  Whew!  It WAS a lot of work, but it was important work.  Going through the process forced us to evaluate whether we were ready to adopt- which happily we were!
     The next part of the process, delving deeper into openness, was the "Dear Birthmother Letter."  Think of first impressions and blind dates.  What do you say to someone who is considering choosing you as the parents of their baby?  How do you communicate the whole of your life, your personality, and your passion and dreams in a few short pages and a dozen photos?  I can tell you from experience, it is not an easy task!  Jim and I often found ourselves obsessing over details- Does our smile look natural in this picture?  Should we use the word friendly or affectionate to describe our cat?  Does this picture have enough action in it?  We often had to remind ourselves to simply be ourselves.  We are not trying to connect with every potential birthmother out there- we just need to connect with one- the one!  
     We are currently in the most open part of our adoption journey so far- networking!  This was the biggest step to take.  We are no longer just "opening up" to our agency or potential birthmothers.  We are now letting the whole world (ok, the part of the world our friends, family, and facebook can reach) know that we are adopting and asking for help.  Through our two websites, facebook page, blog, letters, emails, and conversations we are inviting others (you) into a very intimate part of our life-our journey to become parents.  So although it takes courage, we are committed to sharing openly with you our hopes, our dreams, our pain, our struggles, our tears, and our joys.  We will swallow our pride and ask you to pass along the link to our website or to pray for us when we are having a rough day.  We will live in our "glass house" and allow you to see the real us!  Scary? Yes!  Risky?  Maybe.  Worth it?  Definitely!
    When we do become parents- and we believe with all our hearts that we will- we will JOYFULLY and OPENLY celebrate with all of you! 

Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good, to them who love God and are called according to His purpose."



Sharing a moment on a hike in the coastal redwoods